I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
third nipple confirmed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
