We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
