i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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