I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if i died would you start the facebook group?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
