I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
