I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
