i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you traded sex for a burrito?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
