i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
