This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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