I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
