Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
