if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
