i just had sex bonerless
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
