So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
