Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
