is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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