Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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