I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How many fucks given?
0.12846
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
