after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
