Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
