just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
