I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
