His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
