God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
