I faked an abortion last night.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
