Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
