...so i touched it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
