this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
