i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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