You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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