Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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