She said her name was "party"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
