I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
