I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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