I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
