ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
