I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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