sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
