she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
