you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was confusing and full of hummus
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
