well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
