Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
