Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
