Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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