I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
