I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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