I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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