And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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