Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
