wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
