I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
