i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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