She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
