He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
