ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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